What the motivational writers never tell about finding peace at the workplace
This is not for people who have attained, like nirvana, the ‘work-life balance.’
As Sheryl Sandberg said, ‘So there’s no such thing as work-life balance. There’s work, and there’s life, and there’s no balance.” She, however, talks of women. But what about men?
The poor sods, who not only have to bear the ignominy of consistently being cited as ‘chauvinistic’ but are relentlessly considered to be part of the privileged ‘patriarchal’ order.
They have no moksha, no nirvana, other than to dig and crawl through the drivel that motivational writers/speakers offer, hoping that ‘one fine morning’ everything will be ok.
With so much time spent (and wasted) at the workplace, here are a few observations I have garnered over the past 26 years.
These apply as much to men as to women; after all, if there is one thing that unite men and women, it is the agony called ‘bad bosses’. So here we go:
1. Every boss is as asshole: Do not fool yourself into believing that your boss is good and god. He might throw sops at you, might seem to be ‘your friend’ — but trust me, at some point or the other, everyone above your pecking order — the line-up of bosses, I mean — is going to be an asshole. Their mean streak might hit you when least expected, and there is no point in crying over it. So, make up your mind, and tell yourself: My boss is an asshole. Acceptance, they say, heals.
2. You are not the only hard worker around: It is a common refrain among the moaners and groan-ers in offices that ‘I work so hard… yet….’
Yes, the raise might not come. You could be cut out of the quarterly performance award. Your name will never come up on the promotion list. You will die the low-lying executive you are — no matter how much you work hard.
But hey, who are you fooling? The fact is that everyone is a hard worker, and everyone does his or her bit. The moment you bring up that halo of the ‘hard worker’ tag on yourself, you are pretty much doomed.
More so, you are undermining everyone else around you — perhaps not understanding the big picture that bosses hire and keep people in different positions for various reasons, not always for you to know, and certainly, not for you to challenge.
So, respect that fact that you are no less or no more a ‘hard worker’ than anyone else. Maybe you should just set yourself a timeline and stop breaking all the sods in your work-field.
3. Do not quit; do not take risks — unless you have something worthwhile in hand: Motivational writers talk about the risks they took, of leaving behind mundane jobs and achieving that ‘yellow halo’ of success around them. Truth be told: Do not quit your job. Do not take uncalled for risks -unless you have something in hand.
My friend of 20 years, much against my advice, sought work-life balance, quit the job, and is still struggling to find another job. Sadly, he can’t write syrupy motivational blogs, so he is still ruing the day he quit.
4. You don’t have to lick asses to climb: Much like the ‘hard worker’ high-ground, another common conversation in practically every office is that everyone who climbs the ladder is an ass-licker. For women, of course, they have meaner words. But hey, what makes you think that people who make it to the top are ass-lickers? Maybe they are talented. Maybe they do some exceptional work that might not have come to your attention. Maybe, yeah, they sleep around. So what? Does whining about another improve your chance? None at all. You end up being more miserable. Remember, you are neither victim nor villain. You are an employee — like millions of people around the world — who have been hired and are paid for the work you do. Come to terms with the fact that dissing anyone is not going to help you. You might never climb the ladder but you would be better off not having been mean.
5. No one is ganging up on you: Much as you might disagree with me on this (or on all the above), the fact is that no one is ganging up on any one at the workplace. Of course, there will be caucuses and petty politicking but to view everyone through the prism of suspicion, to view everyone as having some axe to grind with you (for whatever reason, that you are a woman, that you are Asian, that you are fat, that you are a moron) is childish. And if you want to be childish, stay back in kindergarten. Do not look at your workplace for ego massages and endorsement. Get on with the programme. Do the job. Go home. Have a drink. Watch Netflix. Tomorrow is another day with same shit lined up. Accept. Get over with it.
6. Nobody owes you a favour: At work, the most common disappointment comes from the false notion that everyone is somehow obliged to you. Oh, come on, you would say, can’t they be nicer? Can’t they just be a bit more polite? Can’t they use a please in their emails? Can’t they put a smiley? Honestly, nobody owes you any favour at work. You are your own master and slave. Whatever goodness comes, accept it as a bonus.
7. And finally, do not seek the ‘good work’ nod, just do it: And of course, the most common whining you hear: Nobody appreciates my work. Others take credit always. Seriously, aren’t you being paid for your job? Isn’t that enough for the work you do? Why do you need the empty platitude of a ‘good work’ note? Stop expecting and you will be all the merrier. Your pact is with yourself. Ask yourself, if you could have done a job better? If your answer is yes, do it better. If no, stay happy because you have given your best.
A workplace is a workplace is a workplace. If you can stay unattached, unemotional, unexpecting, work can be bliss. Do not fall for the trap set by motivators and HR gurus who mislead you with humbug.
